Ethan and Birthdays

I have always loved celebrating my children's birthdays. How fun to focus one child and let him be king for a day, to celebrate his life and all that he has already is and dream about what he is still to become.

Tomorrow my middle son turns 21. Birthdays have always been a big deal in our family. About 3 months before a birthday I would start pointing out how many months away it was. Then the last month I would start counting down the weeks and days. I wanted my boys to know how anticipated and loved they are. I have always loved planning their birthdays with them, talking about what they might like as gifts, what special meal they might like to have, what special dessert or where they might like to go. In our family we have designated certain birthdays as milestone birthdays to be celebrated in an extra special way. When our boys turned 10 this was a milestone. They were no longer "little" but now that they had hit double digits they would have more priveleges and of course, more responsibilities. We celebrated this with lunch out with just Mom, Dad and the birthday son. We went to the restaurant of their choice and they had Mom and Dad's undivided attention. It was always a fun time. Thirteen was another special birthday and the whole family celebrated by going out for dinner. We have also been privileged to have had grandparents join us for some special birthdays. Since we don't live near any family this has been very special for our boys. Because we have two boys with birthdays within 3 weeks of each other we would often do something special in-between the birthdays instead of having parties. We would go to Chucky Cheese or let each invite a friend and go bumper bowling with a stop at Friendly's for sundays on the way home. A favorite kind was vanilla ice cream with peanut butter topping and gummie bears. Yummy! One year after a particulary rowdy time of bowling and maybe too many gummie bears on the ice cream we listended to 4 little boys repeatedly say "Genuine Jockey" and then giggle like little girls all the way home.

Tomorrow Ethan will be 21, a man by society's standards, accountable for himself. He has had some fun birthdays in the past. He is excited about this birthday and so is coming home from college for the weekend to be celebrated by his family. I think Ethan is the one who most caught my passion for birthdays. We have had some memorable ones with him. He is the son I had to make a cake with purple icing for. He is the son we had a Bugs Bunny cake made for because he was absolutely inseparable from his Bugs Bunny stuffed animal (and because Mom was pregnant with son #3 and was too sick to make a cake for him.) Poor Bugsy was in danger of becoming "real" it had been so loved by him. His Gram had to sew Bugsy's head on several times. Bugsy went everywhere with us for years! Even on mission's trips. And Bugsy talked, of course, he had a certain Ethan quality to his voice which we thought was a bit mysterious.

I think the birthday Iwill always remember was the year Ethan turned 7. We had moved back to Binghamton the previous fall and this was his first birthday in this particular house. He was a mass of emotions and they were just tumbling around and falling out all over the place. He was excited. He was nervous. He was happy. He sad. On and on it went. I had made some beautiful cupcakes for him to share with his class at school. I don't remember what exactly I made for him for his birthday dinner but he had asked for an ice cream cake for dessert. As we were getting ready to sit down for dinner he was excitedly helping put the last few things on the table and dropped something on the floor. It spilled and he burst into tears. That crisis was cleaned up, tears were dried and feelings were soothed. We had a good dinner. Then came the cake!! How unfortunate that I didn't realise that I didn't have any candles until I went to look for them and couldn't find them. What kind of mother was I anyway? My ever resourceful husband decided we could stick matches in the ice cream cake instead of candles. We did. We lit them and they burst into flame. Before we could sing to him, Zach, the oldest yelled, "Quick, quick blow them out!" Ethan promptly blew them out. My exasperated husband said, "What just happened here?" Ethan burst into tears...again. Zach ever wanting to help, thought the ice cream cake was going to melt because the matches were burning quickly so he thought Ethan should blow them out right away. Poor Ethan! He just didn't know how to cope with it all. Tears were dried again, feelings were comforted and we tried one more time. We sang, he blew out the matches and dessert was served. Then came the real fun, presents. Ethan opened his birthday box and presents. What a clown he became. Always one to to love to laugh and make others laugh he delightedly opened presents, wore a gift bag on his head and had a ball opening his real tool box complete with a light-weight hammer, measuring tape, screwdrivers and various other manly necessities. We had no more tears just smiles and laughs. And it is all preserved in precious pictures. It was a birthday to remember.

Now here we are, 14 years later and our laughing boy has become a man. His dearly loved Bugs Bunny is carefully perserved in a tote with other childhood things. He still loves to laugh but his tears are not quite so near the surface and he has become poised and self-controlled. He is still my kitchen helper whenever he is home but he can do quite a lot more than just set the table and add the last minute touches. I am so proud of all that he has become and still dream of all that he will yet be. He is making his way in the world and walks a road of integrity. He is kind, compassionate, wise, and has an insatiable desire to learn. He works hard in school and is respected by his peers and teachers. He now visits his grandparents as it is hard for them to travel these days. He is strong, responsible and a good listener. He is now not just my son but also my friend. He is someone I enjoy spending time with.
Happy Birhtday, Ethan. I love you.