Time

The other day I was reading in Psalm 90. Verse 4 says, "For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night."  I have been thinking about time for the past few weeks as I face saying good bye to my son and daughter-in-love soon...too soon.  I guess I am at that reflective point in my life and it seems to me that I have always struggled in my concept of time.  I would love to have God's perspective of time.  He is not effected by it, nor a slave to it.  It doesn't matter if it has been a thousand years or just a day or even a work shift.   It's all the same to Him. I would love to be like that!

Time has always been a bit of a mystery to me.  I could never quite get it together to be ready for the school bus...on time.  I always seem to plan too many things to fit into the time I have available. I am always... out of time.  When I was younger time seemed to pass very slowly.  I never seemed to be quite old enough to do whatever it was I wanted to do.  The nine months that I was pregnant ( 3 times!) seemed at least twice that long.  I figured I was going to be carrying those basketballs in my belly forever.  And yet when each son was born before his due date, I was always caught a bit off-guard and not quite ready.

I thought those baby days of diapers and toddlers would never, ever end...but they did.  And now they are long gone.  Zach is married, Ethan is out on his own, and Gabe is a high school senior this year.  Russ and I are asking each other where the time has gone. 

It started to really hit me when Zach left for college.  All of a sudden it seemed that time had sped up.  The clock was moving faster.  The summer before he headed to Chicago for school I kept thinking, "Eighteen years just isn't long enough!  I'm not done yet.  Did we teach him everything he needs to know?  God, can't you turn the clock back a bit and give me just a little more time with him?  Please?"  But my pleading was in vain.  Time is ruthless.  Moments once lived can never be reversed.  Maybe I could keep him home with me a little longer but I couldn't stop the clock.  Each day was a pearl sliding off the open end of a string.  So precious, yet slipping through my fingers.  I couldn't hold onto them.

Then it was Ethan's turn to go to college.  Again, my heart pleaded with God, "Just a little more time...please?  We're not ready for him to go too."  But time kept it ruthless beat and marched right on.

Now I'm begging God again, "Please just a little more time?  I wasn't ready for it to be time for them to go yet.  Just one more year?  Are you sure it's the right time? So soon...?"  But yes, it's time.  Not my time, but theirs.  The sweet little house Zach and Steph bought just two doors down from us has a For Sale sign in the yard.  They've only owned it two years. We have had such fun helping them fix it up and living so close, running back and forth with tools, food, plungers, and furniture.  I'm sure the neighbors thought we were crazy at times.  They have helped us just as much as we have helped them.  It has been so fun to have family living near by.  We haven't had that for a long time and it feels so good.  So comforting.  So like it should be. How will we live without them?  I have loved having Steph not only in our family but living so close.  I am very thankful I've had this time to get to know her and love her for myself not just because she is Zach's wife.  And I'm not quite ready to give her up yet.  Now it isn't Zach only that I will miss, and I will really miss him, but I will dearly miss Steph too.   

Time...it seems to me  is a formidable foe to every son of Adam and daughter of Eve.  I look forward to that day when I will have God's perspective of time.  Every time will be the right time, never late, never too early.  I'm so thankful for the weeks we still have Zach and Steph with us and that Gabe has one more year. I'm enjoying my pearls before they slip off the string and become memories.