Memories bring clarity

My oldest son, Zach, is getting married this weekend. While trying to process this life change I have been having flashbacks to his growing up years. They are precious memories that I hope I will never forget. I guess that is one of the reasons I have this blog, so that if I ever get some horrible memory stealing disease many of my precious memories will still be retreivable.

I should have known Zach would marry young. First of all, his greatest fear when he was very young was not of being spanked, what was a bit of physical pain to him? No, far worse for Zach was to be...ALONE...this was a pain that could not be born. Sending him to his room was sure to bring on a fountain of tears. He would wail "banished" as he ran back the hall to his room. We lived in a very small apartment and his room was within earshot of all that was going on, and we never shut the door, so how dreadful could it really be? We could hear him crying and calling every 2 seconds, "Can I come out now? I'm done."In fact, as he grew older he learned to come up with problems that needed parental help to resolve as a means of getting out of his time-out. One day when he was about 5 he was in his room for a time out and I heard him calling and calling for me. I went upstairs to find out what was so urgent. It seems that he found an unpopped kernel of corn on the floor and for some reason only known to small boys had stuck it in his ear. Zach was in a panic because he couldn't get it out. Of course, neither could I. So...off to the walk-in clinic we went at 4:00 in the afternoon. They had to flush his ear 3 or 4 times and finally said they would try once more and if it didn't come out we would have to go to an ear, nose and throat speicalist. I prayed like crazy and they flushed. Wonderfully, there it was floating in the basin. On the way home I took him for supper at McDonald's, not as a reward but for an opportunity to have a talk. He never stuck anything in any body openings again, if you know what I mean.

My second clue that Zach would marry young came when he was 2 years old. At our church when children turned 2 they went from the nursery to Sunday School. After his first Sunday in Sunday School, we asked Zach what it was like. He informed us that there were girls in pretty dresses there. Interesting!

As Zach grew he had many friends that were girls. Most of them were blond and blue-eyed, another fore-telling. I have a sweet mental picture of him walking down the boardwalk at Ocean City with a childhod friend named Caitlyn with their arms around each other's waists. He also loved playing wiffle ball with another Caitlyn who lived next door. What fun times those were. As he grew older, he began to get shy about talking about girls and, I think wanted us believe he didn't notice them much. But he hated being teased about having a girlfirend or any such interest. Often it seemed that he might have a sparkle in his eye for a particular girl, but thankfully he was content to enjoy being with them in groups. My husband, Russ, had drilled it into his head that he should treat girls like his sisters, and so he did. This meant that sometimes he was brutally honest. My apologies to any girls whose feelings he might have hurt.

I think I really knew he would marry young when he began dating a young lady at the age of 18. She was his first love and he was truly heart borken when they broke up after more than a year together. He was not one to date around or just for fun and the fact that he dated her at all spoke volumes about the seriousness with which he approached the relationship. There were several interests after that but nothing really significant until Steph. When I first heard about Steph, I took notice and prayed. When he said he wanted to bring her home to meet us, I knew he was serious. I was careful to observe them together and I was struck with how comfortable they were together and how much they seemed to enjoy each other and make each other smile. These were very good signs. I prayed that they would be able to bring out the best in each other. I believe God has answered this prayer and I am looking forward to watching them become even better together!

Ethan and Birthdays

I have always loved celebrating my children's birthdays. How fun to focus one child and let him be king for a day, to celebrate his life and all that he has already is and dream about what he is still to become.

Tomorrow my middle son turns 21. Birthdays have always been a big deal in our family. About 3 months before a birthday I would start pointing out how many months away it was. Then the last month I would start counting down the weeks and days. I wanted my boys to know how anticipated and loved they are. I have always loved planning their birthdays with them, talking about what they might like as gifts, what special meal they might like to have, what special dessert or where they might like to go. In our family we have designated certain birthdays as milestone birthdays to be celebrated in an extra special way. When our boys turned 10 this was a milestone. They were no longer "little" but now that they had hit double digits they would have more priveleges and of course, more responsibilities. We celebrated this with lunch out with just Mom, Dad and the birthday son. We went to the restaurant of their choice and they had Mom and Dad's undivided attention. It was always a fun time. Thirteen was another special birthday and the whole family celebrated by going out for dinner. We have also been privileged to have had grandparents join us for some special birthdays. Since we don't live near any family this has been very special for our boys. Because we have two boys with birthdays within 3 weeks of each other we would often do something special in-between the birthdays instead of having parties. We would go to Chucky Cheese or let each invite a friend and go bumper bowling with a stop at Friendly's for sundays on the way home. A favorite kind was vanilla ice cream with peanut butter topping and gummie bears. Yummy! One year after a particulary rowdy time of bowling and maybe too many gummie bears on the ice cream we listended to 4 little boys repeatedly say "Genuine Jockey" and then giggle like little girls all the way home.

Tomorrow Ethan will be 21, a man by society's standards, accountable for himself. He has had some fun birthdays in the past. He is excited about this birthday and so is coming home from college for the weekend to be celebrated by his family. I think Ethan is the one who most caught my passion for birthdays. We have had some memorable ones with him. He is the son I had to make a cake with purple icing for. He is the son we had a Bugs Bunny cake made for because he was absolutely inseparable from his Bugs Bunny stuffed animal (and because Mom was pregnant with son #3 and was too sick to make a cake for him.) Poor Bugsy was in danger of becoming "real" it had been so loved by him. His Gram had to sew Bugsy's head on several times. Bugsy went everywhere with us for years! Even on mission's trips. And Bugsy talked, of course, he had a certain Ethan quality to his voice which we thought was a bit mysterious.

I think the birthday Iwill always remember was the year Ethan turned 7. We had moved back to Binghamton the previous fall and this was his first birthday in this particular house. He was a mass of emotions and they were just tumbling around and falling out all over the place. He was excited. He was nervous. He was happy. He sad. On and on it went. I had made some beautiful cupcakes for him to share with his class at school. I don't remember what exactly I made for him for his birthday dinner but he had asked for an ice cream cake for dessert. As we were getting ready to sit down for dinner he was excitedly helping put the last few things on the table and dropped something on the floor. It spilled and he burst into tears. That crisis was cleaned up, tears were dried and feelings were soothed. We had a good dinner. Then came the cake!! How unfortunate that I didn't realise that I didn't have any candles until I went to look for them and couldn't find them. What kind of mother was I anyway? My ever resourceful husband decided we could stick matches in the ice cream cake instead of candles. We did. We lit them and they burst into flame. Before we could sing to him, Zach, the oldest yelled, "Quick, quick blow them out!" Ethan promptly blew them out. My exasperated husband said, "What just happened here?" Ethan burst into tears...again. Zach ever wanting to help, thought the ice cream cake was going to melt because the matches were burning quickly so he thought Ethan should blow them out right away. Poor Ethan! He just didn't know how to cope with it all. Tears were dried again, feelings were comforted and we tried one more time. We sang, he blew out the matches and dessert was served. Then came the real fun, presents. Ethan opened his birthday box and presents. What a clown he became. Always one to to love to laugh and make others laugh he delightedly opened presents, wore a gift bag on his head and had a ball opening his real tool box complete with a light-weight hammer, measuring tape, screwdrivers and various other manly necessities. We had no more tears just smiles and laughs. And it is all preserved in precious pictures. It was a birthday to remember.

Now here we are, 14 years later and our laughing boy has become a man. His dearly loved Bugs Bunny is carefully perserved in a tote with other childhood things. He still loves to laugh but his tears are not quite so near the surface and he has become poised and self-controlled. He is still my kitchen helper whenever he is home but he can do quite a lot more than just set the table and add the last minute touches. I am so proud of all that he has become and still dream of all that he will yet be. He is making his way in the world and walks a road of integrity. He is kind, compassionate, wise, and has an insatiable desire to learn. He works hard in school and is respected by his peers and teachers. He now visits his grandparents as it is hard for them to travel these days. He is strong, responsible and a good listener. He is now not just my son but also my friend. He is someone I enjoy spending time with.
Happy Birhtday, Ethan. I love you.

Boy Noise

I am the mother of 3 sons. They are all wonderful and unique and I am quite fond of each of them. This summer I realized that my oldest son was soon going to get engaged. He hadn't said anything about marriage, I just saw the signs, I guess. As I adjusted myself to the idea that I was no longer the most important woman in his life scenes from his childhood began to play through my mind. Boys really are wonderful beings and there is always some of the little boy in every man, you just have to know what you're looking for.

I think that after 22 years of living in an all male household, I can qualify as somewhat of an expert on boys. I also have been working the last 3 years in special classrooms made up almost entirely of boys. And this year, I began the year with 2 male co-workers. I was the only female. I also have 2 brothers and always got along better with guys when I was in highschool. Less drama, I thought then. I have since learned it is just a different kind of drama.

This blog will be a way for me to share and preserve some of the finer moments(and maybe not so fine) in the lives of the boys and men I know. They are all very dear to me. Here is my introduction to the world of mothering boys:

My oldest son decided to arrive in this world in a hurry. He came 3 weeks early with no advance warnings. Just whoosh! My water broke on the elevator as I was leaving Lamaze class.
Six hours later, there he was. He was beautiful and very sleepy, although he had this strange humming noise that he made. This noise continued the next day. When I asked about it, Iwas told that it was possibly from mucus still left in him and it caused him to hum when he breathed. It was nothing to worry about. I don't think it had anything to do with mucus at all. I think it was my introduction to the world of boy noise. After we got him home, he just hummed all the time.
He seemed to like it. It was his way of not letting us forget he was there. As if we could! When the humming stopped other noises followed. After his brothers came along, our house could literally be heard a block away. It was a regular cacaphony of sound. We had crying, screamng, laughing, car noises, robot noises, monster noises, gun shot noises, singing(especially in the shower) and of course, the funniest noises of all to boys-burps, farts and anything gross sounding. Add to that pounding feet as they ran up and down stairs all day, the beating of a soccer ball on the garage door and one dear young son practicing his piano. And I can't forget the eardrum shattering noise of their music when they became teenagers. It was enough to make a mother go deaf and yet, now I miss all that noise. Two sons are out of my home and only come to home to visit. I have one left and he isn't nearly as noisy at 15 as all 3 were when they were home. I love to listen to him though, his noise is the sound of life to me. I even love hearing his feet pound up and down the stairs in the morning as he frantically gets his stuff together so he can get to the bus stop on time. But that's another post for another day...